“I’m So Bad at This!”: How to Help Your Child Speak Kindly to Themselves

It starts with something small.

Maybe your child is coloring, trying to stay inside the lines. Or they’re building a tower, carefully stacking each block on top of the other. Then—suddenly—it happens.

The crayon slips. The tower wobbles. Something doesn’t go the way they planned.

"Ugh, I’m terrible at this!"
"I always mess up!"
"I’m so dumb."

You pause. Where did they learn to speak to themselves like that?

As parents, we want nothing more than for our children to be confident, to see themselves the way we see them—capable, kind, strong. But when we hear them putting themselves down, it’s like a punch to the gut. We might rush in with words of encouragement: “No, sweetheart, you’re amazing! You’re doing great!” But no matter how many times we say it, they don’t always believe us.

Because their inner voice—the one that narrates their experiences and reactions—is already forming. And sometimes, it’s more critical than we’d like.

Where Does Negative Self-Talk Come From?

Self-talk is the little voice in our heads that helps us process the world. It’s shaped by:

Experience – If a child struggles with something, they may internalize frustration as failure.
What They Hear – Kids absorb words from parents, teachers, siblings, and even media.
Expectations – If they believe they should be good at something right away, mistakes can feel crushing.

While negative self-talk is normal, it can become a habit—one that affects their confidence, resilience, and willingness to try new things.

But here’s the good news: Just as kids learn to be their own biggest critic, they can also learn to be their own best cheerleader. And we, as parents, can guide them in that process.

So how do we help them develop an inner voice that’s kind, encouraging, and resilient?

Here are five simple but powerful ways to nurture positive self-talk in your child—without making it feel forced or overwhelming.

1. Model the Kind of Self-Talk You Want Them to Have

Children are natural mimics. If they hear us sigh and say, “I’m so bad at this,” or “I always mess things up,” they internalize that way of thinking.

Try shifting how you talk about yourself, especially in their presence:
✔ “That was a tough day, but I handled it really well.”
✔ “I made a mistake, but mistakes help me learn!”
✔ “I’m proud of myself for trying something new.”

Example:

Let’s say you burn dinner. Instead of saying, “Ugh, I always mess up,” try: “Oops! That didn’t turn out as planned, but next time, I’ll try a different approach.”

When kids see you treating yourself with kindness, they’ll start to do the same.

2. Teach Them the Power of ‘Yet’

One of the simplest but most powerful shifts in self-talk is adding the word “yet.”

Instead of:
🚫 “I can’t do this.”
🚫 “I’ll never be good at this.”

Encourage:
✅ “I can’t do this yet.”
✅ “I’m still learning, and that’s okay.”

Example:

If your child struggles with learning to swim, you might say:
"Right now, it feels hard. But remember when you couldn’t tie your shoes? You kept practicing, and now you can! This is just another thing you’re learning."

This teaches them that abilities grow over time—and that frustration is part of learning, not a sign of failure.

If you're anything like me, there are times when my words just don't seem to be landing. Using a fun story, pictures and all, helps. One of our favourites is "The Magical Yet" by Angela DiTerlizzi. 

3. Make Affirmations Part of Your Daily Routine

Affirmations aren’t just a trend—they’re backed by science. When kids repeatedly hear positive, empowering statements, their brain starts to believe them.

Try incorporating affirmations into daily routines:
🌟 While brushing teeth: “I am kind, I am smart, I am strong.”
🌟 At breakfast: “Today is a new day. I can do hard things.”
🌟 Before bed: “I am loved just as I am.”

How to Make It Fun:

Create a self-love jar filled with affirmations that they can pull from when they need encouragement. Or use Love Powered Co.’s affirmation cards to make it interactive and engaging!

4. Help Them Talk to Themselves Like They Would a Friend

Would your child ever tell a friend, “You’re terrible at this” or “You’ll never get better”? Probably not!

Teaching kids to treat themselves with the same kindness they show others can be a game-changer.

Example:

When they say, “I’m so bad at this,” ask:
"What would you say if your best friend said that?"

Most kids instinctively know how to encourage others—this helps them turn that kindness inward.

5. Use Storytelling & Play to Reinforce Positive Self-Talk

Children learn best through stories, characters, and play. That’s why at Love Powered Co., we use characters like Rosie the Bunny and Oliver the Mouse to make self-love relatable and fun.

Try using their favorite stuffed animals or dolls to role-play self-talk:
🐰 Rosie the Bunny is nervous about a big test. What should she tell herself?
🐭 Oliver the Mouse keeps messing up his puzzle. How can he encourage himself to keep trying?

When kids see these messages modeled in their play, they naturally integrate them into their own self-talk.

Final Thoughts: Building a Foundation of Self-Love

Your child’s inner voice is being shaped every day. By modeling positive self-talk, reframing negative thoughts, and making affirmations fun and engaging, you’re giving them a gift that will last a lifetime.

And the best part? When your child learns to be kind to themselves, that kindness ripples out into how they treat others, too.

Want to make self-love a daily habit in your home? Check out Love Powered Co.’s affirmation cards—designed to help kids (and parents!) build confidence, resilience, and self-love, one positive word at a time. 💛